Remembering Again

Going through routines makes one dead, or compromises with being at status quo. At least for me, period. To be fair, fighting against those comfortable routines which society advocates is akin to running up a steep hill. Work, Get Home, Meet ups- Day after day, you forget. You forget what you like, forget what you want, forget what excites you anymore. What excites you? What makes your eyes sparkle, or mouth agape just that little, or your little mass of matter mind trying its very best to absorb everything in. We forget this after a while, even rendering ourselves to the conclusion- you don’t get everything in life, you lose some, you win some (Often money and stability, but Hey, I am lying if I say I don’t want this too).

After my South America Trip and getting a conference planning contract work in Singapore, the situation above happened, yet again. (Why does work do this to one?). I even caught myself thinking, ” Lea, nothing gets you excited anymore” ; My friends and I concluded on this subject, ” We shouldn’t think too much, just stop thinking about this” ; I caught myself biting my tongue, just not to sound too pessimistic and probably because I knew the questioner (who asked if I was happy) would not understand my undercurrents, “You think I’ve never thought about this hun, truth is, I don’t even dare ask/think about this question, probe any further into it–I already know the answer”. To be honest, I am happy to be back here because my family is now first priority. Plus, Singapore’s transportation is world class and you find a food stall at every corner ( After years abroad-I truly appreciate this now ), but work wise, is it true a few weeks into the job and you kind of know/feel if you would want stay on. Well, I kind of knew for myself in that new job-No. But I settled with the thought ” My family is here, that’s all it matters, this is why I am back, you can’t win it all” . It true, you can’t win them all, but secret is…. YOU TRY! You get tired, of course. Then slowly give up, slide back and decide to be like everyone, ( It’s normal, don’t beat yourself up, life’s hard enough already) so hanging out with like minded people who try avoid the conventional ways of life, which might then spark some inspiration of what it feels like to be alive again, greatly helps. On a side note, no offense to anyone, but Singapore/80% of Singaporean’s mindset (Graduation-Immediate Work, accounting or banking preferbly-Marry-Have 3 kids-Die) makes this a very hard fight.

I look at many others (or even our neighbors Malaysians) and them living their dreams, albeit many struggling. But they do what they love, they live to do that and find that it doesn’t make sense if you’re not. They do not find “I can’t stay on in this job, I hate it so I’m gonna quit and try find something again” strange. They do not say ” Its time to settle down, earn money and just stick to it. You can’t be changing jobs so often, you’re already into a quarter of your life, man up, suck it up, what’s wrong with you”. Well, many Singaporeans would have the rebuttal, “No we don’t say that”. Fellow comrades, if you’re honest to God, your mouths don’t say it, you try not to show it and plaster an encouraging ( some sincere, I give that to you) on your face when you see a lost soul trying to find her next step in life, to lessen the awkward moment of not knowing how to encourage that person, but subconsciously, you think it. But then again, why should one care about what’s on another person’s mind. Insecurity, be gone!

Ok, so the point of me starting this new blog, is because after a recent 3 weeks trip to Thailand, and meeting up with some friends, I got inspired. I finally remember the feeling of excitement, of what I really like ( traveling, photography and writing- they stimulate my mind and kick start my “alive” gear). It definitely helped that they were all in vote of TRYING to fight and do what a heart beats for.

Why the wait, Why the thought ” One day, my dream is to ….” , so I start a blog, write what I want-travel, food, inspirations, how tos etc and live this dream part time on the side. I mean, I’ve always said, if money is not the issue, Ill be a writer, traveling and eating in style and writing about it. Well, Blog+Travel Thoughts/Food/Pics=Unpaid Hobbyist Writer. Yes call me silly, but hey, the world seems to not exist when I lose myself in editing travel pictures, writing the stories behind photographs. Just like everything falls away when one gets lost in an awesome movie, and then brought back to reality by the honk of a car outside, that feeling of being so lost in your own mind is like a Caffeine High.

Remembrance, so precious. But so easily forgotten. Hence, I’m gonna start writing. It doesn’t have to be traveling to a new country, travel could also mean the journey in life, the new footsteps one tentatively takes in a new area that holds some possibility of hitting the jackpot of what inspires the soul to sing. I am writing for myself. I will TRY my very best to fight for this-this, meaning doing things that makes my face light up and eyes shine, because like the Greeks, in the past, have tombstones that do not state “Lived from XXXX-XXXX. Instead, like them, I want my tombstone to say “She Lived with Passion”.

Korat

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4 thoughts on “Remembering Again

  1. UNAWAY- “do you ever feel like you are supposed to be elsewhere, just somewhere, where autumn leaves fall, where another life awaits you to live, where you are not happy but elated, where you dont have to care, where you don’t have to bear, where there are no mondays, where you need no tv, where you can be selfish and kind, where the mountains always have your back, where strangers become friends, where you just call ‘home’ because the most important One already lives in you.”

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